I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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