Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
