okay pat passed out under dana's car
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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