i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
