He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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