he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize