Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
