careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
