My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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