i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
