thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
