It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
