recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
