I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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