Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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