Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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