I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
