cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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