I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
