I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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