What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Found your dick twin last night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
