like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
