I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
And then he peed in my hair
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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