just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
