im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
