Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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