i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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