Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
