When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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