I don't usually arrange sex via text message
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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