I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize