why im i the only drunk person in the library?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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