I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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