He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
