just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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