i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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