My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
