Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
