He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
