i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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