I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
