I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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