I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
