he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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