allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
