He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
4 words: hood of his car
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
