I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
