Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
