On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize