I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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