Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The power of my boobs compel you
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
