Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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