Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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