Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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