I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
