cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
