new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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