I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
