so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
