Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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