It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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