That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
