I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
