Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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