"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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