there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
