one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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