So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
