All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
