so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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